or I Have No Idea How to Call This Quarantine-Induced Trumpery
Blog post by Ariela Hercek
I realized something very important today: Writing blog posts is hard. Why, you ask? Let me elaborate by giving you a run-down of all the things that made me want to smash my head against the keyboard in the process of writing this hellish masterpiece. Don’t worry, I’ll also try to give some suggestions on how to actually make one’s blog a masterpiece, even if it was a pain to write.
- I would generally say that I am a humorous person – but holy cow is it hard to be funny on the internet. I mean, have you seen all the stupid memes that make you laugh out loud against your will, those that you share with others and then get offended if they don’t find them as funny as you do?
I enclose such a meme for your enjoyment. If you do not find it funny, we need to have a serious talk.
CREDIT: @getbentsaggy on Twitter
Blog posts are supposed to be funny. (I think.) You want to charm people into thinking you are going to brighten their day – and then wait for the inevitable realization that your piece of writing is spectacularly bad. In any case, if you feel like your humor reserves are insufficiently full during these fabulously disillusioned times, just post a meme and people will think you’re funny.
- You know how some people are really just absolutely thriving as artists during this quarantine?
Yeah, I’m not one of them – my motivation is lower than the IQ of people who wear masks while sitting alone in a car and my mouth is similarly capable of forming English sentences as middle-aged Whatsapp users who claim that Coronavirus was caused by 5G.
Which actually brings up the question of how to motivate oneself enough to write a horrible blog post that will probably only amuse people with a bad sense of humor. How did I manage to write this monstrosity in an hour on a regular Wednesday (Wednesday! Of all days! I must be mad!) and why was this even allowed to be published?
For one thing, I strongly believe in this writing rule: Be personal. I have made fun of myself during the course of this one short page about (I’m going back to count) 8 times. Which, in retrospect, is probably a bit too much. But what is important here is that I told you personal information about my emotional state during the quarantine and I let it slip how I feel about world events at this point in time. I know, I know, you’re probably thinking, “She hasn’t mentioned Trump yet,” but honestly, I don’t think I want to talk about him right now, because he makes my head hurt. I will, however, bless you, dear readers, with a meme:
I don’t want to get all political, because this blog post isn’t about that. There’s too much to say about this topic anyway and it requires a certain degree of seriousness. Definitely more than I’m comfortable giving right now (let me live without being angry for at least one day, pls).
Back to my original point (I keep getting side-tracked by my own wandering thoughts): If you are personal while writing, it is easier to focus and actually write something. This is probably because we are all a little egotistical and love to talk about ourselves when opportunity arises, but this is nothing to be ashamed of – a little ego-centrism can go a long way when attempting to write; a kick in the butt, if I may express myself so bluntly.
- Write about topics that you know. This point is actually hilarious, since I have never written a blog post in my life. I am, however, quite familiar with writing in general – I write poetry (currently trying to get back onto the poetry scene by participating in NaPoWriMo on Instagram – find me at @arielahpoe3, I swear I’m nicer there) and I have written two young-adult novels in Slovene. Granted, the novels were written while I was still in high school, but I did also write fanfiction. If you don’t know what fanfiction is, please google it now and enrich your life.
I write a lot, hence I decided to write a blog post about writing a blog post … Does that make sense? I know writers are supposed to use complicated words and not repeat themselves too much, but this isn’t that kind of a writing piece, is it?
- Don’t be afraid to sound normal. There’s nothing wrong if you only write about what you ate for breakfast today (but do include a meme in your post just in case). If you want to post photos of whatever subject you are writing about, you don’t have to spend weeks learning how to use Photoshop so that your photos can look more inviting. Your life, as it is, is worth writing about. And if you are afraid that nobody will want to read your blog, that’s okay. And it’s fine if nobody actually will – primarily, you have to write for yourself. Once you realize that, the universe will grant you readers, but do try to say a little prayer to it every once in a while. 🙂
- I don’t know a lot about the length of blog posts, but I do know I get tired after reading more than 2 A4 pages. Try to be succinct. If you feel like you have more to say, break the post down into several sub-posts. This way, you get more posts, and if you use a platform like Instagram, it helps to post more than once a day (or even just regularly), since the algorithm prioritizes popularity over the good ol’ time sequence of posts.
This is it! I am finishing my rant about not knowing a lot about blog posts, but also my attempt at trying very hard to be helpful. If you disagree with any of this, please let me know, but also keep in mind that I am new at this blog thing, so be gentle, if you please.
Now onwards, my brave grasshoppers, towards new horizons and fonts and spending hours searching for an appropriate meme to express how you feel!
I believe in you.